I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
