1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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