I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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