The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
