she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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