U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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