what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
