i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
