shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
