If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
