Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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