Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize