tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
