i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
