you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
