i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
