Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
