Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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