He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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