i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
