He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
