Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
