a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
