That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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