I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
two words...techno handjob
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
