I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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