mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
