I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
