Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
