Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
