Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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