i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
