planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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