Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
