I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
