I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
