Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
