I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
