There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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