Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
