I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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