did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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