Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize