At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have already put on my inside pants.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
