My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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