is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
