He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
