Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How's work?
Spinning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
