I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
