i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
